Guest Post – A Letter to Marriage

The post today is from our good friend Lindsay who, on her blog, has written a letter to a different person, place, or thing every day for the last 109 in a row. We asked her to write one to marriage for us to get the perspective of someone who isn’t eight months deep in their wedding vows. Goodness ensued…enjoy:

Dear marriage,

Hmmm…interesting letter to write considering you are nowhere near a possibility in my life currently. Nonetheless, my dear friends from @marriageproject asked me to discuss what I expect marriage to be like and how it fits in with God’s plan for my life. Well, let’s just cut to the chase!

You scare me. I think you have to be the most difficult endeavor. You require two very selfish idiots to come together as one. This is a combination for disaster. You’re not like work…there’s no 5 o’clock. You never end. You require constantly being engaged, communicating and interacting even when you don’t feel like it. I think you’re a daily choice that must include effort and hard work.

Now that I’ve stripped you of all goodness, I also expect you to be one of the neatest endeavors. You provide a person to do life with, laugh with, encourage, challenge, love, process with and a steadfast friend. You are the closest picture this side of heaven of Christ and the Church. You are, at least supposed to be, unconditional love, an example of unselfishness, service of others and maybe my favorite, willing to take on ALL of somebody else’s junk just like Christ takes on our sin.

So, I guess my expectations are very lopsided. I would describe them as realistic. Who knows if they’re anywhere close to reality, but in the meantime, I’m waiting. Waiting for the right guy. The guy I can serve the Lord better with because he’s standing by my side. I’m waiting for what God intended. I’m waiting for intimacy. In reality, I’m not waiting. I’m actively running to the Lord.

Our society seems to tell us life doesn’t begin until we find the man of our dreams (woman for the fellas) and do life with him. Senior year of college is filled with candlelights, summers are jam packed with weddings, marriage blogs are read enviously and pity parties for singleness occur because family and friends constantly ask for the dating update. We’re set up for failure. We long for you and miss out on what is right in front of us. I refuse to let this happen in my life.

Single, married, old, young, black, white, Christian or non-believer, we’re all looking for our purpose in life. What career should I pursue? Who should I date? What city should I move to? The list goes on, but we want to know our purpose, what I would call the will of God. Biblically, I don’t think these things really worry God too much. I think we’ve created this need for specifics. At the end of the day, the Lord just wants me. He wants you. I honestly believe He could care less what college and career path we choose. This sounds heartless, but I’m thankful the Lord is bigger than my choices. If I’m pursuing the Lord and becoming more like Christ, then the Lord will honor that. He will provide direction. We will be in God’s will.

I hope to marry one day. In Kyle and Jen’s words, I hope you ‘fit in with God’s plan for my life,’ but what I’ve realized is you are not the pinnacle of life. You don’t define us. We aren’t defined by marital status. I’m defined by Christ and the fact He saved a worthless, wretched soul from hell. So, I choose to look to the day I get to spend eternity with God as life’s pinnacle rather than my wedding day. Sure I get sidetracked with you at times, but thinking eternally puts perspective on the ‘smallness’ of you. Until then or death (we’re not promised marriage), I’m striving for what I believe is biblically the will of God: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; (1 Thess. 4:3).”

Well heck, what does sanctification mean? Simply, to be made holy or to become more like Christ. I’m convinced this is what God wants from us. I fail in it incessantly, but I will continue to let this define me rather than my relationship status.

Defined by Christ, but would love to experience you eventually,

Prayerfully finding contentment in singleness through the Lord

Love, Lindsay

If you liked this post you can follow Lindsay on twitter here or read her blog here.

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Also here are a few posts you might have missed this weekend:
The Man I Married (by Jen)
A Sunday Letter (by Kyle)
An Amy Seeley interview
My Manhattan Project (by Kyle)

9 thoughts on “Guest Post – A Letter to Marriage”

  1. I feel like I just had a conversation with Roth. Beautiful thoughts; she's pretty wise in marriage for someone who hasn't started that journey yet.

  2. I think this is so true. I'm married. And I remember every day that he can not meet my every need – just as I can not meet his. I didn't plan on getting married. I didn't want to. But I now know that (for me) marriage is what brought me closer to God.

    I've had examine (and re-examine) myself many times during our two+ years of marriage. He's had to do the same. I have to humble myself and admit I am wrong. I have to be quiet and listen. Without someone to love, annoy, be annoyed by, and share my earthly life with, I'm not sure I would have learned any of these lessons.

    Marriage is not for everyone. It's not, as was said, guaranteed. But how wonderful that God uses it to teach us and guide us.

  3. this is more interesting to me now as an east coast transplant than ever before. it's interesting because NYC is such a Babylon of today, but one thing that I think people here.. Christians and non Christians alike.. have done really well is appreciate singleness in a way that I've never seen before. this is an interesting comment for a blog about marriage, obviously, but singleness isn't all about preparation for marriage. too often we fall into this trap of believing it's about pursuing God so that we can meet a partner at the foot of the cross. what I don't like about this analogy (albeit how true I'm sure it is) is that singleness itself is a gift in and of itself. there is so much service and generosity that is possible in singleness that I don't think is possible in married life or when being focused on "preparing" for marriage. i wish i could hear and see more single people and especially single christians talk about, explore and embrace the freedom of being single with the caveat of waiting or preparing for marriage.

    1. This reminds me of a REALLY great podcast I listened to called "The Gift of Singleness." It's a Breakaway Ministries podcast, and it is free on iTunes. It goes along almost exactly with what you just said Wheeler!!

  4. woo hoo. I hate hearing friends of mine waiting for marriage so they can do certain things. Life begins now, not when you get married.
    yay for this post.

  5. My dearest G Lindsay, you constantly inspire me and encourage me no matter what the circumstance is. Even though I am in a much different stage of future wedding, you remind me truly how BIG our God is. I love that you said "I choose to look to the day I get to spend eternity with God as life’s pinnacle rather than my wedding day". I am at a time where it is very EASY to get caught up with the small details of my wedding day. Thank you for reminding me what the journey should be about. This is a message I needed to hear and I am so glad God spoke through you! I also feel like I just had a conversation with you! 🙂 I miss you and hope that I can see you soon to have one of our conversations! Love you!

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