In Love and War

Last Wednesday, as we walked into church for our congregation’s monthly prayer meeting, Kyle and I were in the midst of a domestic dispute. I can’t quite remember what it was about- I was probably irritated about not having eaten dinner or Kyle was upset because I seemed distracted by the fact that he was texting while telling me a story. Either way, it was something really mature. We walked in a few minutes late (because there’s always plenty of seating at prayer meetings) and both sat down in a huff, arms crossed, ready to address the triune God in all his glory. Almost immediately the pastor stands up and says, “Father, thank you for this time for us to gather in your name. Please bless our time together, heal broken marriages…” at which point I feel my husband’s strong finger poking in my back. This brought on some very serious giggles, followed by a snort, which was followed up with stares from the ones who were actually mature enough to attend the prayer meeting.

Sometimes I’m not sure what we’re doing. I honestly think we both had very realistic expectations going into marriage. But sometimes I think our expectations were of what our marriage should be. Not what we thought it would be. When you’re dating, it actually seems very realistic to think you’ll spend lots of time talking, dreaming, and gazing into one another’s eyes in marriage. That’s what you do when you’re dating. It’s easy to think that’s what marriage should be like because it’s all you know of love at that point. You think you’ll never argue over finances because you were each great at managing your own. You’ll never get tired of being together because you always had the opportunity to go home.

Well, my friends, we’re still working on all these things. It’s difficult for me to be realistic about our time together because I genuinely want more of it. It’s difficult for Kyle to relax a little on finances because he genuinely wants to buy a house in the semi-near future. When these things are matters of the heart, we realize that it’s about more than compromise.

And some days, changing the heart seems like the most impossible task in the world.

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2 thoughts on “In Love and War”

  1. I know this feeling! We had a prayer meeting on Wednesday that went really well but church yesterday me and Chris had a bust over something really small (I was still asleep when his friend called and rather than getting out of bed and going in another room to take the call he stayed sat in bed talking while I was trying to squeeze in extra sleep) So I was in a mood.

    I sat at the back of church on the floor because I didn’t want to be there – rather than going and sitting down in the chairs at the end of worship Chris came and sat down next to me – at one point had his arm round my shoulders to try and cheer me up lol.

    And you’re right somedays it’s really hard to say sorry (I actually didn’t say sorry until about 5 minutes before bed) when you don’t think you’re in the wrong – or even when you know you’re wrong it’s still a challenge to say sorry.

  2. Great post! My husband and I are the exact same way. However, the arguments are always surface-level because we don’t ever say the “D” word! Divorce is not an option. 🙂

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