Marriage Equals Shareage

There are the obvious things you sign up for in marriage. Sharing a household means cooking an occasional meal for the other person, sometimes washing dishes you didn’t eat off of, and keeping your stuff off the floor. I don’t even mind you using my toothbrush now and then, and I’ll even wake up a little early to make you coffee some days. But marriage is such a tease. It lures you in, one cute fuzzy moment at a time, and then it asks you to give everything.

There are dreams you have as a brave 24 year old woman that don’t hold water in a marriage. Suddenly your nights of independence fly by in a blurry haze of grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning and work talk. And the cute little apartment you’ve always dreamed of having is shared with posters of athletes and smells like boy. And so you form a new dream. Except that you can’t form it on your own because you’re only one half of this intricate twisted mess that God has thrown together. And I’m rarely grateful for only one half.

Kyle dreams dreams of things I can’t understand, of doing things neither of us can put our fingers on. He has an incredible job that we’re both thankful for, but he longs to start something on the side, to grow and cultivate something real and good and true. And there is risk in dreaming, for when you find the one thing you’re meant to do, it requires your whole heart. To him, it’s an entire universe of possibility. To me it’s simply maddening. Why can’t he just want one steady job like a normal person? You didn’t marry him because he was a normal person. What if he wants to start a side business and we lose tons of money? It’s only money. Yeah but our kids! Our kids need diapers and clothes and food. You don’t even have kids. Stop being dramatic.

And he dreams a new dream every week.

“We should try this…” or “What if I started this company?”

I bet he hasn’t even prayed about this and that’s just not fair.

“I really want to write for a living. What if I just started writing for a living?”

Seriously? You just have readers sitting around ready to shell out dollars?

“What if we just sold all our stuff and moved to Georgia?”

Don’t say mean things. Don’t say mean things. Don’t say mean things.

Some days it’s fun to dream. And some days I just want to hold my breath and stomp my foot and stay right where we are. Yet I have a feeling that our dream will be ever changing, that some days it will be solid and some days a complete mess. But this is life, and it’s messy and sometimes scary and usually unpredictable. And so I trust in my husband to lead us in whatever direction the Lord takes him. While I work on being encouraging and uplifting and a much better wife than I am right now. God knew what he was doing when he made men the spiritual leaders. No, it wasn’t a misprint, no, he wasn’t just joking around, and no, I am not an exception to the rule. There is joy and freedom in that if only I will open my eyes.

Tomorrow will be a new struggle. But today, I follow you.

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10 thoughts on “Marriage Equals Shareage”

  1. reading your blog each day has become one of my special treats, like my afternoon cup of tea or reading an article in my favorite magazine. thank you, thoroughly enjoying it so far.

  2. Jen, I love this post. You and Kyle are competing with another entrepreneurial-minded, armchair-theologian attorney and his pioneer-woman, adopt-for-life wife for the place of favorite young couple in my heart. Because you guys have an interesting blog, you've got an edge. Congratulations, haha.

    I love the way y'all have structured this blog. Keep up the teamwork.

  3. A friend of mine starting posting links to your blog on facebook and out of curiosity I decided to check it out. In April my girlfriend of four years broke up with me, in June I graduated college, and I have had a terrible time finding a job since. Needless to say, I've been a little bit bitter these past few months–especially when it comes to relationships. But reading your blog has really boosted my spirits about life and love. I wish you two nothing but luck (but I don't really think you'll need it).

    1. Thanks Dan…it really makes us excited/happy to hear about stories like yours. We prayed that your relational life would get back on track and be uplifted and Christ-centered. Stay tuned…

  4. I was telling my sister about your blog and she said something interesting, she said, "They set the bar high." I thought about that for a little bit and it's totally true. Both of you individually have done that and now you're doing that as a couple. I love it! Your relationship with Christ and realistic view of life has been very inspirational. I love you both and I'm praying for you!!

    1. Hal! Thanks for the comment, I love that you call it a "realistic view of life"…that's awesome, and something we're called to strive for (Romans 12:3). Thanks so much for reading too, we really appreciate that!

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