How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?

There was a period of time during my junior year of college when I felt God calling me to be a nun. Nevermind the fact that I’m not Catholic, nor had I ever stepped foot inside a Catholic church; this was my destiny and I would have to accept it. I researched, I asked questions (of Catholics, who usually laughed at me), and I prepared my heart to be single for the remainder of my earthly life, dedicated in word, deed, and action to my God. I was all in.

My calling obviously disappeared and is probably floating somewhere in the dark abyss above the Oklahoma skies. But I say all that to say this: There have been few times in my life when I’ve truly had a heart of submission. It’s not exciting stuff- I’ve never done anything illegal or life threatening, but most can probably relate. I dated boys in high school despite (and partially because of) the fact that my parents didn’t want me to. I’ve lied to my friends under pressure, cheated on exams, and put myself above others way more often than not, even when it hurts them. And I’ve ignored the innermost promptings of the Lord over so many little things, I’ve lost track.

You should help that old lady take her groceries to her car.

She’s doing fine. She probably likes doing things herself, anyway. Elderly people are always so stubborn.

Talk to your neighbor. You never say anything besides hello.

They’ll probably think I’m strange and why do I need to talk to them? We probably have nothing in common.

Call your grandma.

I’ll call her tomorrow.

And if I can’t even submit to the God of the universe, how will I ever submit to my husband, an imperfect and sinful human being?

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

{Insert doubt, jealousy, selfishness, need for control, lack of patience, arrogance, and greed.}

Most days my heart renders me completely incapable of surrendering to anything except my own interests and desires.

I really wanted to be more of the Sister Maria type of nun anyway. It would have ended badly.


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3 thoughts on “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?”

  1. I'm of the full belief that God still gives us moments like in the Bible when Abraham had Isaac on the altar, ready to sacrifice him, and then God said, "Wait, never mind." Maybe Sister-Maria-dom — and the potential sacrifice of marriage — was your Isaac. Major props for even considering sacrificing something you've always dreamed would be a vital part of your future!

  2. Pingback: The Toys That Bind

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