To Have a Friend

Moving to a new city proves to be more challenging in some areas than others. I’ve decided which supermarket I like best, I know how to get to my favorite thrift stores, and can even go most places without a map. Our apartment is shaping up, the days are proving to be much less mundane, and I’m starting to feel more at home all the time. However, we keep coming back to this one tiny issue: We really only have a few friends here.

When we left Stillwater, we were in the middle of everything. I worked for a church, which connected me immediately to 150 volunteers, 9 staff members, their volunteers, and every person who came through our doors on a weekend. Kyle had great community within his work. Our weeks would usually be full of softball or basketball games, coffee with friends, evenings at the church, or great conversation with roommates over dinner and wine. And while we knew a few people coming into this great city, it still provides a stark contrast to the fellowship and friendship we had in our recent past. Here’s a synopsis of our friend making so far:

–       We see a fun looking couple on the street walking their dog. One of us says, “Ooh they look really cool.” The other agrees.

–       We drive by an old woman working in her garden. I say, “Oh Kyle I bet she’s so sweet. I want to be friends with her.” She keeps digging. We keep driving.

–       We shake hands with people sitting next to us at church. But only on the weeks they make us. We make eye contact, sit back down, and one of us says, “They look like a fun couple to hang out with.” The other nods. End of discussion.

–       One week at church Kyle leaves to use restroom. Comes back with fly open. Negates everyone who sat close to us that week as possible future friends.

–       The next week we arrive at church and I realize I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth. Knocks out another 10-12 fun looking couples. Almost literally. No discussion that week.

And the list goes on. We find ourselves surrounded by possible community and fellowship everywhere, and yet it seems very out of reach. So we continue to play “I Spy” with unsuspecting Dallas residents while we wait for small groups to start at church in September. And hope that none of them sat by us for examples 4 or 5.

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5 thoughts on “To Have a Friend”

  1. I never drank coffee with you (blah, hark, spit, yuck on the coffee), played softball with you (ouch, yikes, run?), or went to your church (I loved God from a much quieter sanctuary-Life Church rocks-literally). I have, however, eaten with you and drank wine with you and I count you as a dear, dear friend. Therefore, I want to move to Dallas right this very moment just so you won't be in such an unnatural state any longer. But knowing this is insane and impossible, I will simply pray that God opens the right doors AFTER you have zipped and brushed appropriately. Continue to be salt and light and the rest is His to orchestrate, but you already knew that. ~Hugs~

  2. Jen,
    You don't know me from Adam (or Eve for that matter) and Kyle probably doesn't remember going on home-schooler field trips with me way back in the day…
    However, I daily stalk/read y'alls blog and I have been really blessed by what you both have to say every day. Thanks for being so real!
    Many mornings I want to comment, and finally this morning I do because I can really relate to what you are going through! I am currently dealing with the same process in Austin. I have had those exact exchanges while prospecting new, fun, cool, young couples that could potentially be like-minded companions. Teeth brushing scenario (in which I just pretended to be deaf for the morning…) and all!
    Be encouraged that it will get better!
    I have complete faith that it will!

    1. Thanks for the encouragement! It's nice to hear that we're not the only ones starting off in a new place. I hope you're having fun exploring your new city and you should know that I'm jealous- we love Austin!

  3. jen – i too understand b/c i moved from the same small town you did! i thought the transition would be easier, but i feel like i really don't have a home right now. maybe that's because i live out of a 30 gallon plastic tub and duffle bags for the time being (apt hunting is getting more serious by the day). i am so grateful for the friends i have who let me crash in their spare room, but i honestly feel like a fish out of water here. AND i miss our coffee dates and strolls! let's catch up soon. i don't count as a new friend, but i am an old friend in a new place 🙂

    call me anytime – my number is still the same!

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