What She’ll Mean

You’re nervous about getting married, you don’t know what she’ll mean to you…                                                                                                      – Betty Draper (Mad Men)

You can’t either. You can’t know what she’ll mean in the future, it’s impossible.

Jen is my most intimate friend. She’s also my most amiable companion. She’s my favorite person to be with and talk to. We’ve always been close but the depth to which our love has plunged, while probably not externally visible, is something I never expected.

I guess I don’t know what I expected when I stepped into marriage. I thought it would be fun and I thought it would be a little weird to live with a girl. I thought it would be nice if we both had jobs (apparently an irrational assumption on my part) and made a little bit of money. I knew it would be difficult and refining. I just never understood the level to which love could be taken. How could I?

The best way I can explain it is that now, when Jen walks through a room, and I’m sitting there reading or twiddling my pinkies or thinking about OSU, when she walks through that room, I feel something stir within me that says “I care for that girl.” Not “I love that girl” or “that girl is awesome” but my soul cares for and wants to protect her sanctity and the essence of who she is.

I didn’t know it was going to be like this, somebody should have told me.

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I'm an aspiring freelance writer and blogger (which doesn't make a ton of sense when you think about it). I started a blog called Our Marriage Project and one about OSU called Pistols Firing. I love both of them, and I love my wife. And I love Kevin Durant, Explosions in the Sky, Tim Riggins, Blue Moon ale, Twitter, and the state of Georgia.

2 thoughts on “What She’ll Mean”

  1. Having been married for three years now I don't think it's ever what you expect it to be – You see role models around you like your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and people through other places like church but your marriage is always going to be totally different to theirs. You have to find your own groove as such

    I have a friend who didn't tell his wife that he loved her until the day that he proposed to her – which I think is super cute and whenever they tell the story I love it just like it's the first time they told me all over again lol.

    (Saw you mentioned on Todays Letters so googled your name 🙂 and here I am! )

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